No, it's not.
(But seriously...)
There's this strange idea in our culture that Heaven, whatever it's like, is going to be drop dead boring.
A lot of people I've talked to have this idea. They imagine Heaven as basically this infinite cloudy place where people sit around in white robes talking, maybe singing some church songs, and looking down judgmentally at the people on earth. So yeah, boring.
There's an episode of a popular television show where Eve (yes, that Eve) comes back to Earth because "there was nothing to do."
Where does this idea even come from? I think basically three main sources: Greek Philosophers, Dante, and Renaissance Paintings.
Greek philosophers like Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle gave us the idea of the soul, or "psyche," as this kind of ethereal, airy goo that just kind of hangs around and philosophizes about life for all eternity. Funny how that works out.
Dante's depiction of Heaven, for the record, is super ridiculously exciting and surprising. But the people in Heaven don't seem to have much to do. They're kind of all just hanging around in predetermined, hierarchical spots like in the medieval church.
Finally of course, Renaissance paintings give us our "people sitting on clouds" imagery.
But this isn't how Heaven or the people in Heaven are ever portrayed in the Bible. In the Bible, Heaven is basically Earth+++. It's everything you like about Earth- but in high resolution.
One counter argument I've heard is that "well if everyone is perfect in Heaven, everyone will just be the same. That's boring." But think about it. Boringness is bad. Boringness is an imperfection, so if Heaven is perfect, boringness can't be in Heaven. You know what isn't bad? Variety.
Apples and oranges aren't the same, but they're both delicious. People will not be all the same in Heaven, but they will all be perfect.
Another argument I've heard is: "good things don't have value without bad things. If you don't have any bad things, you won't appreciate the good things as much." But what is dissatisfaction? A bad thing. Being unsatisfied- not enjoying what you have as much as you can- that's a bad thing. It's not in Heaven.
This one is a more clever argument, though.
Don't worry about Heaven not having enough stuff to do. Everything you like doing on Earth? That will be in Heaven in some form or another. And there'll almost certainly be a bunch of other stuff to do that we've never even thought of. Consider: work is a good thing. It's just usually exhausting and time consuming. But in Heaven, you won't get exhausted and you won't lose any time at all. What will we work on? I don't know, but it'll be awesome.
I think it will be like music. There's no one "right answer" to how a stanza of music should end. There are a bunch of right answers, and you might just like one better- just because you like it. Once you've eliminated all the wrong answers, whatever right answer you choose is subjective.
Imagine: progress without mistakes, solutions without problems. That's what's waiting for us.
Thursday, June 18, 2020
Conflicting Wants
I mentioned in a previous post that there's a something of a movement in our society to "find what really makes you happy," or "find your deepest want." People really seem to think that if they just look deep inside themselves enough, they'll find a want that will fix their life forever.
But there are some problems with this.
One of these problems, as I have discussed in another post, is that being happy shouldn't be the main goal in life and is- mostly- impossible.
The second is that there is no "deepest want." It doesn't exist. Humans don't have it.
What we have is lots of wants jumbled around all together, contradicting each other, and existing at the same time.
Conflicting Wants.
I want to eat healthily, but I also want to not get up from my couch. I want to do well in school or at work, but I also hate what I do for school and work. I want people to like me, but I also don't want to put in the time to get them to like me. I want to do what God wants, but I also really really don't.
You see what I mean?
All of us suppress some of our wants in favor of others. We want something more than something else, so we put aside the other thing. And conventional American wisdom states that none of our wants are really bad for us. In fact, they only get "unhealthy" when we repress them. So we need to find ways to achieve them that are "healthy."
And there's a kernel of truth to this, but I'll get to that later.
Usually, what this conventional wisdom and the idea of "find your deepest want" really amount to is that people look inside themselves, find their repressed wants, and think "this is me." This is who I am. This is who I have been all along. And anyone who disagrees or tries to knock me down can go jump in the street.
The child who has gone their whole life being obedient suddenly realizes "that's not who I am anymore." The longtime faithful spouse realizes "this isn't fulfilling for me." The happy, content person thinks "there's something wrong with my life. I have to change it."
The problem is- usually we suppress these things for a reason. We enjoy having people around us who depend on us and like us and who we depend on and like. We enjoy stability, but of course we also enjoy change. Another conflict.
Your wants can't all decide your life for you. You can't follow all of them, and there's no big secret want among them that is going to make you happy all the time. You have to decide for yourself what makes the most sense. What want do you think you should follow? It's your choice.
I also think it's true that every want we have hides a want for something good. Even in all the bad things we want, there's always something under them that's good.
I don't want to get up from my chair because it's comfortable. Comfort is good. I don't want to do school or work because I want to rest. Rest is good. I don't want to put in the time for other people because I want alone time. Alone time is good. I don't want to do what God wants because I want agency and power. And you know what? Agency and power are good.
Think about it. God has agency and power. God is perfect. Being perfect means not being bad at all. So agency and power must be good. They're not all important, but they're good.
And so is change (outside of time it's called "variety"). If you're bored and unfulfilled, try making small, healthy changes to your life first. Don't tear down what you have. Try building something else that's new.
So yes, it's important to find ways of acting out wants that are healthy, but its usually a little more complex than just doing whatever first pops into your head in a socially acceptable way. And its even more important to choose for yourself the want that you think is best. And if you're not sure how to judge which one is best besides which is strongest- well that's probably the next step.
I know how I decide which of my wants to follow. But I can't choose yours for you.
God bless you.
But there are some problems with this.
One of these problems, as I have discussed in another post, is that being happy shouldn't be the main goal in life and is- mostly- impossible.
The second is that there is no "deepest want." It doesn't exist. Humans don't have it.
What we have is lots of wants jumbled around all together, contradicting each other, and existing at the same time.
Conflicting Wants.
I want to eat healthily, but I also want to not get up from my couch. I want to do well in school or at work, but I also hate what I do for school and work. I want people to like me, but I also don't want to put in the time to get them to like me. I want to do what God wants, but I also really really don't.
You see what I mean?
All of us suppress some of our wants in favor of others. We want something more than something else, so we put aside the other thing. And conventional American wisdom states that none of our wants are really bad for us. In fact, they only get "unhealthy" when we repress them. So we need to find ways to achieve them that are "healthy."
And there's a kernel of truth to this, but I'll get to that later.
Usually, what this conventional wisdom and the idea of "find your deepest want" really amount to is that people look inside themselves, find their repressed wants, and think "this is me." This is who I am. This is who I have been all along. And anyone who disagrees or tries to knock me down can go jump in the street.
The child who has gone their whole life being obedient suddenly realizes "that's not who I am anymore." The longtime faithful spouse realizes "this isn't fulfilling for me." The happy, content person thinks "there's something wrong with my life. I have to change it."
The problem is- usually we suppress these things for a reason. We enjoy having people around us who depend on us and like us and who we depend on and like. We enjoy stability, but of course we also enjoy change. Another conflict.
Your wants can't all decide your life for you. You can't follow all of them, and there's no big secret want among them that is going to make you happy all the time. You have to decide for yourself what makes the most sense. What want do you think you should follow? It's your choice.
I also think it's true that every want we have hides a want for something good. Even in all the bad things we want, there's always something under them that's good.
I don't want to get up from my chair because it's comfortable. Comfort is good. I don't want to do school or work because I want to rest. Rest is good. I don't want to put in the time for other people because I want alone time. Alone time is good. I don't want to do what God wants because I want agency and power. And you know what? Agency and power are good.
Think about it. God has agency and power. God is perfect. Being perfect means not being bad at all. So agency and power must be good. They're not all important, but they're good.
And so is change (outside of time it's called "variety"). If you're bored and unfulfilled, try making small, healthy changes to your life first. Don't tear down what you have. Try building something else that's new.
So yes, it's important to find ways of acting out wants that are healthy, but its usually a little more complex than just doing whatever first pops into your head in a socially acceptable way. And its even more important to choose for yourself the want that you think is best. And if you're not sure how to judge which one is best besides which is strongest- well that's probably the next step.
I know how I decide which of my wants to follow. But I can't choose yours for you.
God bless you.
Being Happy
A lot of people in our society think of maximizing happiness/pleasure as the main goal in life. A lot of us can't imagine life any other way. It's in our Declaration of Independence. How else would we live if we weren't trying to be happy all the time? Isn't being permanently, perfectly happy the goal? The reason we get up in the morning?
But the truth is that happiness is a feeling. That's really all it is. And like other feelings, you can't feel it all the time. It's not physically possible (at least on Earth). People who are happy almost all of the time have a serious mental condition and are not healthy. It's the same as sadness, anger, fear, or any other emotion. If you only feel one emotion all of the time (depression, irritability, anxiety), something is wrong with your health, and you should see someone for your own sake.
It's not wrong to feel different kinds of emotions or to not be happy all the time. You can't force yourself to feel a certain way, not really. Just because you're not happy does not mean you are a failure or that you are doing something wrong. It just means you don't feel happy right now.
And there's something else. If you pursue happiness all of the time, you'll realize how short your time being happy actually is. You'll have to go to further and further extremes to keep making yourself happy, and it will probably become unhealthy.
I get depressed frequently, but once I realized it wasn't my fault and that I wasn't doing anything wrong- that I wasn't a failure because I wasn't happy- I found a kind of peace. I became, strangely, happier for not trying to be happy.
Feelings are important, but they shouldn't be our main goal in life. You should take note of your feelings, but they shouldn't have the last word. You can't control your feelings. But you never have to let them control you.
It's okay to not be okay.
Sunday, January 19, 2020
Introverts and Extroverts
One time, I was talking with a friend of mine as we walked. He was talking about how sometimes he runs into trouble just "going with the flow" of the people around him. He found it really easy to see all sides of an issue and not stick to what he believed.
I recommended the discipline of going out into a field and being alone for a while, regularly. He responded "Oh no. No. Me alone with my thoughts is not a good combination." I said maybe that was all the more reason he needed to do it.
I'm an introvert. Completely. I get my energy from being alone. I'd even go so far as to say that I like it. It's more comfortable.
My friend is an extrovert. He likes being around other people and engaging with them. It's not that either of us can't enjoy the other thing, but it's not our natural state.
You see a lot, and I mean a lot, of articles and stuff in America about how to become more extroverted and less introverted. That's because people in groups tend to think that their group is "normal." But being extroverted, by definition, means you'll tend to form more groups. You never see introverts get together and talk about how great it is to be introverted. Why? Because we'd all just rather stay home. It's in the definition.
That's how being extroverted came to be seen as "normal," but it isn't normal for everyone. And it's definitely not all positive.
My friend from earlier suffers from something a lot of extroverts experience. But introverts most often don't have a problem with "knowing what they like" or "sticking to their values." Because when you're alone with yourself enough, you tend to think about what's important to you and why. It becomes a lot less confusing and a lot less stressful when you think it through.
I'm actually immune to peer pressure, which continues to blow the minds of all the extroverts I hang out with. They never believe me until they test it, but they usually give up pretty quickly.
Maybe if more people in this country were more comfortable with their own beliefs, they wouldn't freak out whenever anyone challenged them. I stopped freaking out when I realized "Wait, if I really know this is true (and I believe God is in control), why does it bother me when someone disagrees?"
And I think people are starting to realize this. That's part of why there's a craze in our culture of "find yourself," and "you'll be really happy when you find out what it is you want," and "look inside yourself." "Let it go!" Because all the most successful extroverts realize they're happier when they do a little introspection.
In the most recent Frozen movie, Frozen 2, (spoiler alert, by the way) Elsa goes on a magical journey to find the spirit of the Unknown that's calling her. Spoilers again, it's her. She's the destination of her journey. And for all us introverts, we're waiting there like "what took you guys so long?" I know the Unknown. I'm used to it. We're not our destination. We're our starting place.
So, if you're an extrovert and you wish you were more creative, less bored all the time, not so anxious, more able to do what you know is right when you're surrounded by other people, I'd suggest finding some alone time and talking about it.
On the other hand, if you're introverted you don't have to give up that special part of yourself in order to be around other people. But I think I'll write about that later. God's will be done.
I recommended the discipline of going out into a field and being alone for a while, regularly. He responded "Oh no. No. Me alone with my thoughts is not a good combination." I said maybe that was all the more reason he needed to do it.
I'm an introvert. Completely. I get my energy from being alone. I'd even go so far as to say that I like it. It's more comfortable.
My friend is an extrovert. He likes being around other people and engaging with them. It's not that either of us can't enjoy the other thing, but it's not our natural state.
You see a lot, and I mean a lot, of articles and stuff in America about how to become more extroverted and less introverted. That's because people in groups tend to think that their group is "normal." But being extroverted, by definition, means you'll tend to form more groups. You never see introverts get together and talk about how great it is to be introverted. Why? Because we'd all just rather stay home. It's in the definition.
That's how being extroverted came to be seen as "normal," but it isn't normal for everyone. And it's definitely not all positive.
My friend from earlier suffers from something a lot of extroverts experience. But introverts most often don't have a problem with "knowing what they like" or "sticking to their values." Because when you're alone with yourself enough, you tend to think about what's important to you and why. It becomes a lot less confusing and a lot less stressful when you think it through.
I'm actually immune to peer pressure, which continues to blow the minds of all the extroverts I hang out with. They never believe me until they test it, but they usually give up pretty quickly.
Maybe if more people in this country were more comfortable with their own beliefs, they wouldn't freak out whenever anyone challenged them. I stopped freaking out when I realized "Wait, if I really know this is true (and I believe God is in control), why does it bother me when someone disagrees?"
And I think people are starting to realize this. That's part of why there's a craze in our culture of "find yourself," and "you'll be really happy when you find out what it is you want," and "look inside yourself." "Let it go!" Because all the most successful extroverts realize they're happier when they do a little introspection.
In the most recent Frozen movie, Frozen 2, (spoiler alert, by the way) Elsa goes on a magical journey to find the spirit of the Unknown that's calling her. Spoilers again, it's her. She's the destination of her journey. And for all us introverts, we're waiting there like "what took you guys so long?" I know the Unknown. I'm used to it. We're not our destination. We're our starting place.
So, if you're an extrovert and you wish you were more creative, less bored all the time, not so anxious, more able to do what you know is right when you're surrounded by other people, I'd suggest finding some alone time and talking about it.
On the other hand, if you're introverted you don't have to give up that special part of yourself in order to be around other people. But I think I'll write about that later. God's will be done.
Self Love
In our culture today, there's a really big emphasis on "self love" and "self esteem." We put way too much focus on it. Everyone is so focused on loving themselves that they stop trying to love other people. Because, the thinking goes, "if I don't love myself, who will?" "I have to treat myself, take care of myself, make sure things are okay for me, make sure I get what I so justly deserve, because no one else will."
I used to unconsciously think like that. Even in my own family, where we put lots of focus on loving each other and not focusing on ourselves, I still acted in my own self interest. Because I didn't trust anyone else to "get me what I need." Then God happened. I started practicing trusting him to love and help me, to get me what I need even if I don't know what that is. It worked so well that I had a lot more time and energy to focus on other people.
So I've always assumed that I've never had a problem with self love. Until recently.
Things are going really well for me. I'm doing well in class. My family is still great. I have more real friends than I've ever had before in my life. I'm a much nicer person than I ever have been. And my relationship with God keeps getting better all the time.
"So," in the words of Tony Stark, "why can't I sleep?" Why whenever I think about myself do I feel like crying? Why can't I start confessing to God, even a little, without breaking down? Why is it so hard to believe people really like me? Or might be interested in what I have to say?
The thing is, I like myself. Really, I do. I wouldn't rather be anyone else. I've always enjoyed my own company. I've always been happy moving at my own pace. Even as a baby I never seemed to feel the need to do things any differently. I didn't want to be like the big kids or the grown ups. I'm happy being me.
But then I started thinking... sometimes I say things to myself that I would never say to anyone else. And I mean it. And I don't apologize. There are lots of little things like that. Whenever anyone compliments me, I think "what do they know anyway?" or "They don't really mean that."
It's even worse with God. I hear a lot about how God loves me, and there's still a part of me that says "No." If you ever want to really frustrate me, try pitting my belief in God's absolute power and love against my sense of self. It'll work amazingly.
So, all that to say, I've started practicing telling myself that I love me. Ridiculous? It feels that way. It still catches in my throat. But it's working. So if you feel like any of this makes sense to you, maybe try practicing the same thing.
You see, God wants us to love ourselves. He wants us to love him first, obviously, that's why it's the greatest commandment. In the Bible, Jesus says "Love your neighbor as yourself," which means he expects us to love ourselves. Then there's a part in C.S. Lewis' the Screwtape Letters where Screwtape says "when they have really learned to love their neighbours as themselves, they will be allowed to love themselves as their neighbours."
For me, it's been a lot easier to say "I love you, Wil," when I include "because God loves you." I hope that helps someone.
I used to unconsciously think like that. Even in my own family, where we put lots of focus on loving each other and not focusing on ourselves, I still acted in my own self interest. Because I didn't trust anyone else to "get me what I need." Then God happened. I started practicing trusting him to love and help me, to get me what I need even if I don't know what that is. It worked so well that I had a lot more time and energy to focus on other people.
So I've always assumed that I've never had a problem with self love. Until recently.
Things are going really well for me. I'm doing well in class. My family is still great. I have more real friends than I've ever had before in my life. I'm a much nicer person than I ever have been. And my relationship with God keeps getting better all the time.
"So," in the words of Tony Stark, "why can't I sleep?" Why whenever I think about myself do I feel like crying? Why can't I start confessing to God, even a little, without breaking down? Why is it so hard to believe people really like me? Or might be interested in what I have to say?
The thing is, I like myself. Really, I do. I wouldn't rather be anyone else. I've always enjoyed my own company. I've always been happy moving at my own pace. Even as a baby I never seemed to feel the need to do things any differently. I didn't want to be like the big kids or the grown ups. I'm happy being me.
But then I started thinking... sometimes I say things to myself that I would never say to anyone else. And I mean it. And I don't apologize. There are lots of little things like that. Whenever anyone compliments me, I think "what do they know anyway?" or "They don't really mean that."
It's even worse with God. I hear a lot about how God loves me, and there's still a part of me that says "No." If you ever want to really frustrate me, try pitting my belief in God's absolute power and love against my sense of self. It'll work amazingly.
So, all that to say, I've started practicing telling myself that I love me. Ridiculous? It feels that way. It still catches in my throat. But it's working. So if you feel like any of this makes sense to you, maybe try practicing the same thing.
You see, God wants us to love ourselves. He wants us to love him first, obviously, that's why it's the greatest commandment. In the Bible, Jesus says "Love your neighbor as yourself," which means he expects us to love ourselves. Then there's a part in C.S. Lewis' the Screwtape Letters where Screwtape says "when they have really learned to love their neighbours as themselves, they will be allowed to love themselves as their neighbours."
For me, it's been a lot easier to say "I love you, Wil," when I include "because God loves you." I hope that helps someone.
Introduction
When I was thinking about creating this blog today, I thought of the word "juvenile." My thoughts- and the way I express them- feel juvenile to me. They feel unprofessional. Not well founded. I argued that this was fine when it was just me and God I was talking to, but it didn't feel right to share my thoughts and ideas with the larger world so... insolently.
Because when you're talking to God it's okay to be stupid. God's not looking for an equal in conversation. He wants a kid. Someone who's honest with him about what they think and feel. The rest of the world isn't like that. At least, I'm not like that when it comes to myself:
That's how I realized that if someone else asked me to record their thoughts and feelings on the internet, I would be happy and proud to do it. I'd want to listen, even if I didn't agree. The only person I wouldn't want to do that for is me. I'm the only person that I don't feel like deserves a voice. So I thought I would try and fix that. Or help God fix it, I guess.
Credit for inspiring me to do this goes to my dad. He and my mom encouraged me to create my art blog, and he said maybe someday someone would also be interested to know my thoughts about other stuff. So I wrestled with that idea, and here we are. God's will be done. I commit this also to you. Amen.
Because when you're talking to God it's okay to be stupid. God's not looking for an equal in conversation. He wants a kid. Someone who's honest with him about what they think and feel. The rest of the world isn't like that. At least, I'm not like that when it comes to myself:
That's how I realized that if someone else asked me to record their thoughts and feelings on the internet, I would be happy and proud to do it. I'd want to listen, even if I didn't agree. The only person I wouldn't want to do that for is me. I'm the only person that I don't feel like deserves a voice. So I thought I would try and fix that. Or help God fix it, I guess.
Credit for inspiring me to do this goes to my dad. He and my mom encouraged me to create my art blog, and he said maybe someday someone would also be interested to know my thoughts about other stuff. So I wrestled with that idea, and here we are. God's will be done. I commit this also to you. Amen.
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