Conflicting Wants

I mentioned in a previous post that there's a something of a movement in our society to "find what really makes you happy," or "find your deepest want." People really seem to think that if they just look deep inside themselves enough, they'll find a want that will fix their life forever.
But there are some problems with this.

One of these problems, as I have discussed in another post, is that being happy shouldn't be the main goal in life and is- mostly- impossible.

The second is that there is no "deepest want." It doesn't exist. Humans don't have it.
What we have is lots of wants jumbled around all together, contradicting each other, and existing at the same time.

Conflicting Wants.

I want to eat healthily, but I also want to not get up from my couch. I want to do well in school or at work, but I also hate what I do for school and work. I want people to like me, but I also don't want to put in the time to get them to like me. I want to do what God wants, but I also really really don't.

You see what I mean?

All of us suppress some of our wants in favor of others. We want something more than something else, so we put aside the other thing. And conventional American wisdom states that none of our wants are really bad for us. In fact, they only get "unhealthy" when we repress them. So we need to find ways to achieve them that are "healthy."
And there's a kernel of truth to this, but I'll get to that later.

Usually, what this conventional wisdom and the idea of "find your deepest want" really amount to is that people look inside themselves, find their repressed wants, and think "this is me." This is who I am. This is who I have been all along. And anyone who disagrees or tries to knock me down can go jump in the street.
The child who has gone their whole life being obedient suddenly realizes "that's not who I am anymore." The longtime faithful spouse realizes "this isn't fulfilling for me." The happy, content person thinks "there's something wrong with my life. I have to change it."

The problem is- usually we suppress these things for a reason. We enjoy having people around us who depend on us and like us and who we depend on and like. We enjoy stability, but of course we also enjoy change. Another conflict.
Your wants can't all decide your life for you. You can't follow all of them, and there's no big secret want among them that is going to make you happy all the time. You have to decide for yourself what makes the most sense. What want do you think you should follow? It's your choice.

I also think it's true that every want we have hides a want for something good. Even in all the bad things we want, there's always something under them that's good.
I don't want to get up from my chair because it's comfortable. Comfort is good. I don't want to do school or work because I want to rest. Rest is good. I don't want to put in the time for other people because I want alone time. Alone time is good. I don't want to do what God wants because I want agency and power. And you know what? Agency and power are good.
Think about it. God has agency and power. God is perfect. Being perfect means not being bad at all. So agency and power must be good. They're not all important, but they're good.

And so is change (outside of time it's called "variety"). If you're bored and unfulfilled, try making small, healthy changes to your life first. Don't tear down what you have. Try building something else that's new.

So yes, it's important to find ways of acting out wants that are healthy, but its usually a little more complex than just doing whatever first pops into your head in a socially acceptable way. And its even more important to choose for yourself the want that you think is best. And if you're not sure how to judge which one is best besides which is strongest- well that's probably the next step.
I know how I decide which of my wants to follow. But I can't choose yours for you.

God bless you.