Introverts and Extroverts

One time, I was talking with a friend of mine as we walked. He was talking about how sometimes he runs into trouble just "going with the flow" of the people around him. He found it really easy to see all sides of an issue and not stick to what he believed.
I recommended the discipline of going out into a field and being alone for a while, regularly. He responded "Oh no. No. Me alone with my thoughts is not a good combination." I said maybe that was all the more reason he needed to do it.

I'm an introvert. Completely. I get my energy from being alone. I'd even go so far as to say that I like it. It's more comfortable.
My friend is an extrovert. He likes being around other people and engaging with them. It's not that either of us can't enjoy the other thing, but it's not our natural state.

You see a lot, and I mean a lot, of articles and stuff in America about how to become more extroverted and less introverted. That's because people in groups tend to think that their group is "normal." But being extroverted, by definition, means you'll tend to form more groups. You never see introverts get together and talk about how great it is to be introverted. Why? Because we'd all just rather stay home. It's in the definition.

That's how being extroverted came to be seen as "normal," but it isn't normal for everyone. And it's definitely not all positive.

My friend from earlier suffers from something a lot of extroverts experience. But introverts most often don't have a problem with "knowing what they like" or "sticking to their values." Because when you're alone with yourself enough, you tend to think about what's important to you and why. It becomes a lot less confusing and a lot less stressful when you think it through.

I'm actually immune to peer pressure, which continues to blow the minds of all the extroverts I hang out with. They never believe me until they test it, but they usually give up pretty quickly.

Maybe if more people in this country were more comfortable with their own beliefs, they wouldn't freak out whenever anyone challenged them. I stopped freaking out when I realized "Wait, if I really know this is true (and I believe God is in control), why does it bother me when someone disagrees?"

And I think people are starting to realize this. That's part of why there's a craze in our culture of "find yourself," and "you'll be really happy when you find out what it is you want," and "look inside yourself." "Let it go!" Because all the most successful extroverts realize they're happier when they do a little introspection.

In the most recent Frozen movie, Frozen 2, (spoiler alert, by the way) Elsa goes on a magical journey to find the spirit of the Unknown that's calling her. Spoilers again, it's her. She's the destination of her journey. And for all us introverts, we're waiting there like "what took you guys so long?" I know the Unknown. I'm used to it. We're not our destination. We're our starting place.

So, if you're an extrovert and you wish you were more creative, less bored all the time, not so anxious, more able to do what you know is right when you're surrounded by other people, I'd suggest finding some alone time and talking about it. 






On the other hand, if you're introverted you don't have to give up that special part of yourself in order to be around other people. But I think I'll write about that later. God's will be done.

Self Love

In our culture today, there's a really big emphasis on "self love" and "self esteem." We put way too much focus on it. Everyone is so focused on loving themselves that they stop trying to love other people. Because, the thinking goes, "if I don't love myself, who will?" "I have to treat myself, take care of myself, make sure things are okay for me, make sure I get what I so justly deserve, because no one else will."
I used to unconsciously think like that. Even in my own family, where we put lots of focus on loving each other and not focusing on ourselves, I still acted in my own self interest. Because I didn't trust anyone else to "get me what I need." Then God happened. I started practicing trusting him to love and help me, to get me what I need even if I don't know what that is. It worked so well that I had a lot more time and energy to focus on other people.

So I've always assumed that I've never had a problem with self love. Until recently.

Things are going really well for me. I'm doing well in class. My family is still great. I have more real friends than I've ever had before in my life. I'm a much nicer person than I ever have been. And my relationship with God keeps getting better all the time.
"So," in the words of Tony Stark, "why can't I sleep?" Why whenever I think about myself do I feel like crying? Why can't I start confessing to God, even a little, without breaking down? Why is it so hard to believe people really like me? Or might be interested in what I have to say?

The thing is, I like myself. Really, I do. I wouldn't rather be anyone else. I've always enjoyed my own company. I've always been happy moving at my own pace. Even as a baby I never seemed to feel the need to do things any differently. I didn't want to be like the big kids or the grown ups. I'm happy being me.

But then I started thinking... sometimes I say things to myself that I would never say to anyone else. And I mean it. And I don't apologize. There are lots of little things like that. Whenever anyone compliments me, I think "what do they know anyway?" or "They don't really mean that."
It's even worse with God. I hear a lot about how God loves me, and there's still a part of me that says "No." If you ever want to really frustrate me, try pitting my belief in God's absolute power and love against my sense of self. It'll work amazingly.

So, all that to say, I've started practicing telling myself that I love me. Ridiculous? It feels that way. It still catches in my throat. But it's working. So if you feel like any of this makes sense to you, maybe try practicing the same thing.
You see, God wants us to love ourselves. He wants us to love him first, obviously, that's why it's the greatest commandment. In the Bible, Jesus says "Love your neighbor as yourself," which means he expects us to love ourselves. Then there's a part in C.S. Lewis' the Screwtape Letters where Screwtape says "when they have really learned to love their neighbours as themselves, they will be allowed to love themselves as their neighbours."

For me, it's been a lot easier to say "I love you, Wil," when I include "because God loves you." I hope that helps someone.

Introduction

When I was thinking about creating this blog today, I thought of the word "juvenile." My thoughts- and the way I express them- feel juvenile to me. They feel unprofessional. Not well founded. I argued that this was fine when it was just me and God I was talking to, but it didn't feel right to share my thoughts and ideas with the larger world so... insolently.

Because when you're talking to God it's okay to be stupid. God's not looking for an equal in conversation. He wants a kid. Someone who's honest with him about what they think and feel. The rest of the world isn't like that. At least, I'm not like that when it comes to myself:

That's how I realized that if someone else asked me to record their thoughts and feelings on the internet, I would be happy and proud to do it. I'd want to listen, even if I didn't agree. The only person I wouldn't want to do that for is me. I'm the only person that I don't feel like deserves a voice. So I thought I would try and fix that. Or help God fix it, I guess.

Credit for inspiring me to do this goes to my dad. He and my mom encouraged me to create my art blog, and he said maybe someday someone would also be interested to know my thoughts about other stuff. So I wrestled with that idea, and here we are. God's will be done. I commit this also to you. Amen.